Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
Randomize
