one word: firstdatebathroomanal
i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
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