i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
Do you remember whose house we're in?
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
Randomize
