All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
Randomize
