it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
I have surprise drugs for everyone
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
Randomize
