the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
Randomize
