It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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