I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
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