I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
How does it feel to date your dad?
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
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