I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
Randomize
