Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
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