The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
Randomize
