just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
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