You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
whose ass print is on the piano?
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
Randomize
