You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
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