I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
Randomize
