One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
Randomize
