Yo dont text me then not text me
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
