Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
Randomize
