So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
Randomize
