$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
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