as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
Randomize
