You made me cry and you don't even care
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
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