he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
Randomize
