new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
Randomize
