My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
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