U Should have said " it's ok baby most girls Sh*t when I do that.
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
Randomize
