let's makeout let's makeout let's make out let's make out
Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
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