I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
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