My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
Randomize
