i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
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