I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
This may sound mean but have u ever just sat in class and look at some of the the people and think how disappointed their parents must be
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
Randomize
