My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
Randomize
