I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
Randomize
