Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
Randomize
