found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
Randomize
