sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
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