I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
I've never said "lesbians" so many times in a short response answer
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
Randomize
