So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
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