What did we do last night that was yellow?
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
We need a shit load of segways right now
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
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