Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
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