I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
They are going to name an STD after you.
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
Randomize
