Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
Randomize
