Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
Randomize
