We walked 2 miles, legit 2 miles, and purchased 7 half gallons. One for each of us. Intense
I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
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