You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
he was cumming and all I could think about was the pathway of sperm the in penis. thanks a lot nursing
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
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