In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
Randomize
