I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
This show inspires me to have sex in space
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
Randomize
