What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
Randomize
