as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
Randomize
