she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
Randomize
