How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
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