i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
Randomize
