There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
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